my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
