dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
