am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
