i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
