1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
