I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize