Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
