wakey wakey hands off snakey
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
