He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
