Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
