The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
