if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
