I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
