you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I currently don't understand fingers.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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