I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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