if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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