Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
