I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize