ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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