Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
