I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You are the jesus of drinking
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
