thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
