so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
