DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
