Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
