I heard we made out
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
