well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize