My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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