How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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