i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
COCAINE IS GR8
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
