dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize