i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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