I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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