I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
