the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
