My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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