As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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