BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
two words...techno handjob
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
