My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
