i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize