I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
foreskin is a definite game changer
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
