i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
