I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
