So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
