I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
