cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
