Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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