i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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