I think I can smell my own vagina right now
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
