Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Small penises have feelings too.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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