i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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