if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
