even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Farmville is her only friend.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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