I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
