i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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