Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
