we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
