The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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