I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
