I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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