Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
