Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
