I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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