I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
