My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
