i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
