Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
