I hate all girls vehemently.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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