Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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