At least make sure they are 18
Why
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
