definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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