we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
