checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
