Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize