i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
