My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
