cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
