Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
