Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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