i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
