i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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