My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize