I hate all girls vehemently.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
NoShamevember. You game?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
