If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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