I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
