he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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