just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
