in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
