Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
