today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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