why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
