That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
