Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
