plz talk dirty to me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
