I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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