I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
