I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
