where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
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