pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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