White coat. Heels.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
