Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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