Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
