Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
