Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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