Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.

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(905): View more from Toronto

Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.

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(802): View more from Vermont

elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.

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(248): View more from Michigan

What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.

(810): View more from Michigan

I think you know the answer.

(248): View more from Michigan

How can I marinade myself in Vodka?

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(631): View more from New York

There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12

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(703): View more from Virginia

I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.

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(585): View more from New York

You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.

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