All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
