Just mADE A PArabola og urine
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
