My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
