My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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