So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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