Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
